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Sat, Nov. 17th, 2007, 12:02 am

so i gained some weight again. back to where i was before i started to lose. lame. very very lame. i also bought trimspa, but it seems as if ive been eating more since i bought it yesterday. its because whenever im around my roommates, i seem to eat more. it sounds terrible, but im kind of glad that theyre leaving for thanksgiving next week. that at least gives me a week to get myself used to eating less so that itll be easier to resist when they come home. the boy comes back on tuesday, but i dont think ill see him until the weekend because of the holiday, so that gives me a week to lose at least 3 pounds. plan for the week:
breakfast: fiber 1 bar: 130
lunch: turkey sandwich: 250
snack: yogurt:100
dinner: turkey sandwich: 250
total: 730
plus my 4-6 trimspa/day.
i need to lose some fucking weight.

Mon, Nov. 5th, 2007, 10:48 am

so i didnt lose any weight over the weekend. that isnt terrible because A- i'm on my period and B-i binged like a starving crackwhore. so its ok.

my 'goal date' is my dance team's big performance show, which as of now is 25 days away (december 1). what i did was go through the calendar on my cell phone and put a countdown with a reminder alarm every day at 5:00, which is usually when my cravings start. so everyday at 5 ill get a friendly reminder that i have however many days to lose my gut, or risk going on stage looking like this. i have other performances throughout the semester, obviously, but im not as concerned about looking as fat as i do for those because i dont ever invite any of my friends to see those. but i try and get everyone and their mother to the charity show, so everyone and their mother will see me half naked and fat. not cool. im working on it.

Wed, Oct. 24th, 2007, 09:37 pm

another good day. ate according to plan, so im under 1000. im down 3 pounds. ran 3 miles. worked out. thing are going well. diet mountain dew is keeping me on track...just thought i should let yall know.

tomorrow is gonna be kind of tough though cause its my roommate's birthday, so im gonna be drinking. but i figure if i have only 3 shots- thats about 300 calories. i can substitute my 2 yogurts, so thats 200 calories..leaving me with only an extra 100 calories. we're going clubbing so that should burn that 100 off. it should be ok.

friday we're going to kanki for dinner. ill just stick to tuna tataki and that should be ok. i won't have my snacks and i won't drink on friday. saturday is her party, so i'm gonna have to watch my cals again all day, and limit myself to 3 shots again. i'll make it up on sunday cause i have 2.5 hours of dance. :>

Tue, Oct. 23rd, 2007, 08:41 pm

did well again today. ran my 3 miles. worked out at work. ate according to plan. im just trying to stay awake now so that i can go and pick up the roommate from the airport at 1130.
im down a pound. hopefully the scale will keep inching in that direction.

Mon, Oct. 22nd, 2007, 11:33 pm

i had a really good day today, which is awesome cause i really needed it. it started off kind of blah. but eating according to plan put me in a great mood. then i had a pretty good modern practice. did some work. colts were kicking some jaguar ass, which boosted my mood even more. then i had a kickass jazz practice. it started off not so well- i couldnt land a triple if my life depended on it. but by the end of practice, i was rocking it. i guess i just needed to get back in the mindset since i had to skip practice last week. i'm kind of excited to weigh in tomorrow morning. i wanted to weigh in after showering just now, but i figured i should keep it to only once daily.

plan for tomorrow:
breakfast: bagel and egg white: 200
lunch: bagel and turkey: 250
gym: run 30 mins, weight lift about 45
snack: yogurt 100
dinner: bagel and turkey: 250
snack: yogurt 100
total: 900 + a few crystal lights. should be under 1000. :>
i CAN get back to 123. only 12 pounds by december 1. that should be easy.

Sun, Oct. 21st, 2007, 10:15 pm

so of course, i had another terrible day. i was actually doing really well until my fatass roommate started stressing me out. she just talks and talks and talks, then plops herself on my floor and talks and talks some more. if you see a door is closed, wouldn't you think that the person inside wasnt in the mood to chat? she knocks, sees im trying to write my paper, and proceeds to blab about godknowswhat. yes, its nice to see her. i hadnt seen her all weekend. but a simple "hello" would have been perfect. and that set me off. and i ate.

im mad. im afraid to weigh in again tomorrow. i hate this. i hate me. i hate being so damn fat.

Sun, Oct. 21st, 2007, 01:10 am

i've ballooned up to 135. disgusting. im depressed, so im eating. i get fatter, so i get more depressed. im just so worn out with school and work and family. i havent gone for a run in about 4 weeks. Yes, I dance 3x a week, but that's not enough for weight loss. I don't care about school anymore. i have to start making more time for me. i dont want to go to grad school anymore, so right now, it's just a matter of passing my classes. i dont have to kill myself for A's anymore, since it really doesnt make a difference.

my eating plan until ive lost 10 pounds:
breakfast: bagel + egg whites: 200
lunch: bagel + turkey: 225
pre-work snack: yogurt: 100
dinner: bagel + turkey: 225
nighttime snack: yogurt: 100
unlimited crystal light and diet mountain dew.
total: 850/day.
i have to run at 3 days/week. i dance 3 days/week. so that gives me one day as an off day.

i need to do this. i cant handle my weight anymore. im ashamed of how i look. im ashamed of how much im eating. im ashamed of how much money im spending on food. its gross. im gross. i need help.

Mon, Aug. 13th, 2007, 10:53 am

so the scale says that ive gained 3 pounds. that fucking sucks. i didn't restrict this weekend, but i sure as hell didnt binge. and i run over 20 miles a week, you'd think that would count for something. that's bullshit. ugh! im so annoyed.

Mon, Aug. 6th, 2007, 11:36 am

SOOOOOO..... haven't posted in a while. I've been doing ok. I've had some great days and some terrible days, but my weight hasn't moved. Considering how on/off I've been, that's a pretty good thing, cause it should have gone up. I've been running about 20 miles a week with the new 5k training plan i've been following. Yesterday was my long run- 5 miles. I'm running 5 days a week, with 2 off days when I usually either ride 10 miles on the bike or do something else at work. And I lift weights about 4 times a week, plus my ballet classes. Dance team starts up again at the end of August, which is awesome. I'm already starting to see a difference in my legs and abs. I'm really satisfied with how i'm starting to look, even if i'm not really sure how much i weigh.

Today is my 21st birthday! yay! Today is supposed to be a 1200 cal day (since its an off day from running), so with a small lunch and snack, that leaves me with 620 cals for dinner. If I go over a little bit, its ok, cause tomorrow is a 1500 cal day, so I can take a bit off from there. And if I have time, I can bike off an extra 200 cals at work, depending on whether any of my clients are biking for cardio today. It should be ok.

I'm just gonna have dinner today with the family. I'm going out with my friend Jason on Wednesday, then going to some bar with my this other guy on Thursday. Friday I'm going out with the roommates, and my cousins are coming on Saturday, so that'll be major partying. They grew up with me in Miami, so I KNOW they can help me make up for my lame sober summer. Then most of my friends are coming back into town next week for school. I can't wait! But, of course, this means that I have to really buckle down and lose this weight this week. I got the exercise down. The food is the hard part.

Mon, Jul. 23rd, 2007, 11:38 am

so plan for today:

breakfast: mini bagel (140) tbsp pb (100) glass of soymilk (100)
lunch: boost: 250
dinner: tv dinner: 350
bedtime snack: 100 cal popcorn or icecream
max totaL: 1050

by the way- greatest discovery ever. breyer's has 100 cal serving packs of the most delicious ice cream in the world. and its great cause im always afraid of buying ice cream. its my favorite so i always binge on it, but this is perfect. look for it, try it, love it.

im not sure where we're taking the fat camp today, but either way, i will definitely be running after work.

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