dyingdancer

i was hoping id wake up feeling better about things today, but im on my period and i don't think that too much will. i still feel lonely and bored. i wish the boy had more time for me. i don't see this lasting very long, but i just really don't want to be completely by myself. it sounds terrible, but i just want to hold on to him at least until all of my friends come back from summer vacations. because until then, i won't be going out at all unless SOMETHING gets into my roommates and they suddenly realize that the living room isn't the coolest place in the hill. i can't wait until july 19. 14 days. thurs july 19- after i get out of my court ordered alcohol classes (long story) my friend amanda is coming from tenn and we are getting dolled up and going out. getting shitfaced and getting boys- like we do. like we haven't done in over a month. friday two of my friends are coming from charlotte, so the 6 of us are going to a country concert (yea- i was able to convince the roommates to go to THAT...go figure) and then the 4 of us (me and the 3 out-of-towners..i doubt the roommates will want to go) are going to go out, get shitfaced once again. get in some trouble. have some fun. be young. not like my matronly roommates who pass up going out for tv marathons. and THEN that weekend im going to the emerald isle with a friend.

so why does all of this matter? well, ive been eating like its the end of the world for the past 2 days. and i can't have that. i need to be on my A game that weekend. i can't find someone to replace the boy if i'm not gonna be looking right. so here is my plan:
breakfast: bowl of cereal and soy milk- 250.
lunch: instant breakfast: 250
dinner: depends. on the days that i have to leave work early (like today) nothing, since lunch is usually around 430 or 5 anyway. ill just push it back to around 530 or 6 and call it a day. when i work a full day or go for my runs, i have lean cuisines, all about 300. and that's it. if i'm ABSOLUTELY STARVING at night and even the sleeping pills won't get me over the hunger pains, i have 100 cal packs of popcorn. and i never binge on popcorn, cause im not patient enough to let the bag finish popping. i need to be at 127 by july 19, and 125 by august 5. i know it sounds like slow weight loss, and i could probably be 127 in a week, but i'd rather take the high road and not be passing out at work. it's hard to do personal trianing when you're about to pass out. lol. not fun.