dyingdancer

so hooray! for another terrible binge weekend, and i mean TERRIBLE. but i once again have new motivation. i was talking to a new boy today (i finally ended things with de'sean. should have done it in may) and randomly decided that i needed a vacation. i was just thinking aloud and said, 'i wonder how much a weekend cruise would cost?' and he said, 'i'm in.' so now i'm going on a cruise to the bahamas with this guy i just met in september. lol. but whats weird is that i dont feel weird about it at all. usually, im hesitant to even meet a new boy for coffee because im borderline paranoid about being kidnapped or raped or whatever else those horror stories tell about. but not with carlos. ive known him less than 3 weeks, and i feel like i've known him forever. it's so weird. today, for instance, we talked on the phone about 2 hours, then talked online for another while i looked up cruises, then i just got off the phone with him again, from another 2 hour conversation. and its like that everyday. we text back and forth while im at work, then talk for at least an hour every night. and i HATE the phone. i hate it. but i look forward to talking to him so much. ive never had a connection or a friendship like this before, and i love it. but i have to look amazing in my bikinis on that cruise. and since i know that ill be drinking it up, i have to be in the range where i can afford to gain a pound, so that i wont ruin the fun with food obsession.

im so excited about this cruise, too. about spending a whole 4 days with him. its gonna be amazing. ive NEVER wanted to spend this much time with anybody. ever. and im not even scared about it. i remember feeling weird about having enjoyed spending time with desean, which was one of the red flags that the relationship wasn't gonna work. but no weirdness here. just excitement. and i dont even feel weird that i dont feel weird. i just want it to be september already. lol. but i have at least 8 pounds to lose. itll be easy for a month and a half.

but no more binge weekends. ever. seriously.