dyingdancer

So I binged literally every day of thanskgiving break. And I only purged like half of the times. I feel so horribly fat. I gained 5 pounds. I'm now 130 lbs. How did that happen??? I was 125, my first goal weight...then I get home and mom has stocked the house with fatty holiday foods. God I hate thanksgiving. Especially when you celebrate it MULTIPLE TIMES with various sides of the family.

Ugh...why do I do this to myself??

So I surrendered to mia all break. But now I'm getting back on track.

Today I'm aiming for 300 cal. Tomorrow will be 200. Wed. will be 400. etc etc etc. I'm just going to vary the intake for the next week, keeping below 500 each day.

I couldn't work out today because I'm still (!) sick with some sort of flu so my throat is killing me and I can't really breathe right. I plan on doing reps of crunchs/pushups/weights when I get home though. Then tomorrow morning I'm going to work out for at least 45 minutes. Hopefully I'll feel better then.

And I'm actually going to stick with this routine. Yesterday it really hit me how much I love and need ana. I'm so much happier when I restrict. I'm so much happier when I'm thin.

I've decided to post EVERYTHING i eat here. That should make me think twice about shoving food down my fat throat.

--

Today:

1 banana - 100 cal

water

ricola lemon-mint throat drops - 0 cal. (so it says, though I feel like there's probably a few...idk)

--

So tentative goal is to reach 125 lbs by Sunday. It should be easily do-able. So we'll see.

Love to you all,

- Alice

xox

my friend bought a medium fry at mcDs and put it in front of me and i didnt touch it. one small step toward perfection. ah. xx

Has anyone read it?
I'm guessing yes.

Was it motivating for you?
I just feel guilty when i read it :/

Fasting today :)
Diet coke and tea so far.
Napping after this cus im emotionally and mentally hungry but not physically so thats good.
Hope everyone else is having a good day!
Hate this weather though :(
x

okay so i'm still 112. I cannot get below this weight. I really need to get under 110. I just do not like being stuck at 112. I'm starting back up with my personal trainer again. Going today after work. i just ate some almonds. Keeping my calorie intake below 800 because I do not want to slow my metabolism. Yesterday I ate all crap. I need to be stricter. I need the control.

First day back at school and I'm excited. School makes fasting soo much easier:)

Here's my plan
-00246(cals) is my diet and it just repeats itself (if you don't get that its 0 cals for 2 days then 200 the next then 400 the next then 600 the next and repeat)
-exercise at least 4x a week
-drink 9 glasses of water a day

Do you guys think I can lose 20pounds by xmas? I need to get down to 98!!

Hope you all are doing great:)

does anyone know if being bloated bc of your period changes your weight, and how much of a change to expect?

this mondo craving for pad thai just like swept over me. I'm like a junkie in need of a fix right now, it's crippling. How to fig

im really disappointed cause i lost only half a pound : (
that means ive got a lot of restricting to do!!
ive only been back at my old ways for like a week, and my dads already freakin out about it.
he keeps trying to make me eat and he just doesnt understand that its pointless to try.
i just hope that i can follow the calorie plan ive made for this week. being back at school makes it so easy to skip meals.
i hope everyone starts off december stronger than ever : )
think thin!

just seeing if the mobile posts work

Weeeell looks like it's back to business. I can never stay away from these sites for long. I only wish I could eliminate the periods of weak will in between. I'll get right to it:

height: 5 ft 3 in
cw: 126 lbs
hw: 131 lbs
lw: 87 lbs
gw: 98 lbs

pleased to meet you all, my name is maggie :]

Today was pretty crap. I'd been doing so well but today i b/p like 3 times. I woke up at 64.5kgs and i just had coke zero so i don't know my exact weight right now but i think i lost only half a pound or 200grams or something, LAMEEEEE!!

Tomorrow is 1st of dec so brand new begining!! I've written my meal plans on my ipod notes and i hope they work out!! Tomorrow i'll have 2 cigs for breakfast =D
ugh i hate what this does to me


Take care every1!!!!!
Xox

binged on 4 quality streets fuck :l

So, this is like the 5th time I've disappeared and then suddenly came back... sorry I can't be consistent. Hopefully there's still some ppl on here who know me, but if not then that's okay too. I'm sure I'll make some new friends, as I do every time. <3

I've been doing AWFUL lately, regarding my ed, and it's reeeeeally starting to get to me. Other things are great... I figured out what to do with my life, I think, and I also just got engaged! So other parts of my life have been great... but the thought of looking for a wedding dress at this weight just terrifies me. I def need to FOCUS and stop being such a lazy fat binging cow!!

Things were going fine... about a month ago, my roommates and I decided to do P90X together-- that intense 90 day workout-- and we were really committed at first. We even have been doing weekly weigh-ins and measurements. But my weight only changed by about 3 pounds over 3 weeks... and then the 4th week it jumped back to my starting weight!! So I'm pretty much over the whole P90X bullshit. I thought I'd drop the weight like a maniac... yeah right. Restriction is the ONLY method that's ever worked for me. I should have known better.

Right now, I'm 126. Fuck me. Ughhhhh that's so bloody high for me... I was 121 just two weeks ago, and even that was too high in my opinion!!\I was gonna start my own "lose a shit-ton in a week, who's with me??" type of contest, but whatever. I'll weigh in tomorrow morning as my official starting weight... I can't believe how huge I am right now.

I am planning on dropping a pound each day this week, if possible. I need to get a water bottle... I think that will help me drink enough water and stay full and hydrated, something I always struggle with. I'm gonna go to Target tomorrow, and get a pretty colored one to motivate me to drink lots of water... I'm gonna have under 300 cals... and I'm gonna go running. Those are my goals for Monday. Let's hope I can start this off on the right foot, bc I'm tired of being a lard.

So. Now that I'm back... anything been going on with you lovely ladies? I'm sure I've missed a lot over the past few months! Fill me in if anything good/bad/interesting/exciting has happened in your life! <3

Okay...so...I told my boyfriend that I love very much that I would quit smoking for him...but...it's just so hard to quit smoking and avoid food at the same time. (I've mentioned before that cigarettes help deter my cravings.) So....I was wondering if you ladies (or gents) think its completely and totally awful of me to keep smoking when I'm not around him....and tell him I'm not...

I don't have the heart to....
We've been there before. He absolutely hates it that I smoke...
I know we're going to be together for a long long time...and it will be easier to quit when I live with him...so I'll do it then...

..am I a bad person...?

Hey. It's about 4:30pm here.

I had one of my "I'm only dancing on the edge of disordered eating so I should snap out of it before I get in too deep" moments. So anyway, I decided to try and eat normally today.

FAIL

Kind of binged. Had a bowl of cereal for breakfast despite the fact I wasn't hungry, because I wanted to eat normally. Had a ham and salad sandwich for lunch again despite not being hungry. Which I thought would be fine. Was tempted to purge, but no. Instead I went and ate an apple, a toasted vegemite and cheese sandwich and another bowl of cereal.

So now I'm going to put on weight tomorrow. I'm depressed (not that that's anything new), and I'm relatively certain that I will continue eating.

Bah.

So. I've been off track for longer than what can be counted as a track. I completely gave up for a long time is what I should say. Tomorrow I start again. I'm back to my highest...maybe even higher...I have to check. It's disgusting. And now is the perfect time. My relationship has ended. Almost 2 years. Now I can focus. Really really focus. If I ever want to be with someone again, I have to be thin. This will be no easy ride. This is going to be hard. Very very hard. I am not going to tell myself I can do this. Ever. I'd be lying. I can't do this. But I'm making myself. Force.

Please, please, friend me. Since I hadn't been on here in so long, I deleted all of my friends and communities. Completely new. I'd like a texting buddy :] 7128704172. Just text me and say you're from LJ. ok?

think thin my dears. Think thin.

I don't have anything of importance to post. I'm just horribly depressed and don't want to talk to my friends or family. I could complain all day if I let myself, but what good would it do? I'll still feel fat, ugly and confused.

I'm supposed to hang out with my boy whatever, but all I wanna do is take a massive amount of sleeping pills and check out. I'd do it, but I'd like to think I'm not that selfish.

Will 10 more lbs make me happy? 15?
Someone please tell me there's a light at the end of this effing tunnel.

xx

had about 1200 cals today :/
oh well. less tomorrow. at least i exercised a fair amount today.