dyingdancer

I made the mistake of going back in the kitchen and my mom was there and she almost forced me to eat the last of the cornmuffins. Anyway, while i was eating the vile things I came up with a plan...
( The Plan )

Okay, this isn't E.D.-related, but you guys always have such great advice, so I thought I'd ask for your input.

I'm doing this project for class where I basically promote vegetarianism. My project is called Save Face -- it's sort of a play on words. Save face (reputation) by saving face (animal faces). Anyway, here are some posters for it: here and here. The first one might be a little sensitive, so be careful!

 so dinner went okay with my mom tonight. i slipped into the bathroom at the restaurant and purged a couple times though because she was stressing me out and wanting to talk to me about my self harm issues and  other stuff. the purging jut sort of happened.

i tried on my jeans tonight and they weren't any tighter but they weren't any looser so that means more heavier fasting/restricting this week.

45 days until christmas. i will be skinnier!!!!!

Well, today i ate
2 peices of toast
2 egg whites w/ a little bit of yoke

Took a shower a weighed myself 136
Then mom made me make Jiffy corn muffins... i ate like 4....
...under 1000... I'm not going to bother to add it up...

So I was bored and decided to look up the conversion between Australian and American clothes sizes. Apparently a size 0 is an Australian 4. All I can say is holy shit. I'm not obsessed with being a size zero, and after looking that up all I can say is thank fuck. I'm pretty sure it'd be physically impossible for me to be that small. I mean my BMI is like 16 (which is very underweight, well technically it's closer to the emaciated cut off than to the anorexic cut off) and I wear a size 8. That's like an American 4. I mean 8's are generally loose on me, so maybe I could get into a 6 if I tried (and maybe lost a bit more). But there is no way I'd ever get below that. I mean, no matter how much weight I lose my hips aren't going to change. I guess the fact I'm tall doesn't help.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was. I was just shocked. I guess in a way I'm trying to get the point across that, being a size 0 isn't the be all and end all. No matter how much we starve or utilize other means etc, there are points that physically we just won't be able to cross. We can't starve our bones away.

I know that people don't come on here to be mothered, and that's not what I'm trying to do at all. I mean I'm hardly in a position to do so even if I did want to. But it's just a thought to ponder I guess. I don't know.

Anyway, much love. And be as safe as you can :)

I CANT TSTOP EATING WHAT TODO

I WAIT MYSELF TOSDAY AND I AM 50 PONDS PAST MY GOAL WAIT I DONT WANT TO KEEP BEIN LIKE THIS AND I KNOW I AM FAT BUT I JUST WANTS SOME HELP TOO IS THAT TSO MUCH TO AKS

PLESE REPLY SERIOSLY ONLY AND DNT MAKE FUN OF ME AND IF I DONTT REPLY ITS CASEU I AM HEATTNG UP SOMM POPCOIRN IN THE MICDROWADFVE MMM BUTTTER

 does anyone have anything to say about diuretics? do they make you lose weight? i know it'd just be water weight. any thoughts on them?

okay well i feel a little down. i haven't eaten n.e thing since breakfast wish i didn't have those 2 pieces of bacon and three stacks of pancakes grrr. i feel forgotten by my friends.i feel like evry one has a life nd is out living it nd i'm stuck here just stuck and lost. god do i feel so lost. hmmm i kinda fel like hoolden claufield right now. i could jump out a window.  idk y i jus do . soo if n.e one wants to talk im up to it. u can talk bout n.e thing don't matter. it just be nice to talk to some who understands i think my freinds won't really understand.
i wanna die. i want to be skinny. my friends nd sister's r going out while i stay in and excersise nd maybe watch t.v, maybe get drunk nd party wit ana.......................................
strave on beauties!! :)))

"so maybe we should just start all over."
- someday rob thomas

"would you like to leave this human race."
- this is for keeps by the spill canvas- love this song! :))

So winding down on day 4 of my master cleanse. Been a titch hungry today, but makin it through. Yesterday I had to cook a meal - so I armed myself with sugarless gum, not quite on the plan but sometimes these things have to happen.

Today I was supposed to go over to a friends house because I have to write a research paper - I am in CC and she is in Uni so her library kicks my library's ass and in this lovely age of technology you can acess 70% of the info, including books online. However you have to have student I.d. - so she's gonna log in for me so I can use the Uni database and such without having to drive the hour to the campus.  This was supposed to be at noon today. She's got food all over her damn counters and I was a little worried about her trying to feed me, but I figured I could always leave if it got to be an issue.

However she didn't answer her phone all day - finally called me and was like - well come over at 10pm (that is when her husband goes to work) I figure this is good because even though I'll be up later than I want (i've been really trying hard to get lots of sleep since I started the fast) at least not eating after 10 is totally normal.

Then I mention that my momma sent me a $50 gift certificate for JC penny's so I can get some pants. (I had been bitching about having to wear belts because I hate them and then she talked to my brother and he told her how baggy and dumb my jeans looked so she took pity on me... love my momma) and my friend mentioned that SHE was going jean shopping tomorrow - so now I am spending the night at her house and then we are going shopping.

This is a problem. The details of which, and what I hope will be an effective solution, I will put under a cut because there has got to be triggers in there somewhere....

( FML, and a Plan )

I hope this isn't too morbid or intrusive, but I'm just curious:


( self-harm question )

God damn fail!!!!! BINGE BINGE BINGE. I'm NOT gonna purge tonight. I refuse. This is the first time I've let food stay in my stomach in weeks.

It hurts. It hurtsssss. I wanna die right now. :'(

FML I'm fat.

Day 3 of ABC, But I feel lousy. This weekend is so strange, I don't know where anyone is, no one's replying my texts. I generally hate daylight savings time, it's messing me up. 

Other than that I had to go to a family lunch today, and I picked at a salad, and was very good! My obese aunt was eying me while I ate, but I didn't care, it was motivating to watch her scarf down her Burger and fries  while I ate my salad :)

I haven't been on here in a while beacause I forgot my log in and got distracted with thinspo vids on youtube but anyway, my life sucks and i hate my body and i'm a total and complete failure.
First off, i've missed a month of school and the princepal called and I have to be fucking homeschooled.
Fine, wtf ever. I've always hated that school, there a bunch of stuck up, physcos.
And i can get through this shitty school garabge faster at home and not sit in stupid classes with people i hate trying to friendly as they treat me like shit.
Oh and my stomach has been killing me. Serously, my shit is fucking black which is a sign of stomach bleeding. That fucking freaks me out.
I binged on bread yesterday. Omg.
Oh and guess when i woke up today? 3 in the afternoon.
Wtf is wrong with me? I can't sleep at night beacause of my stomcah. I'm going to either take cold med, benadry or loratab to put me to sleep tonight.
My life is shit right now and i look fat and feel fat.
I weighted 135 (wensday?) and after my binge yesterday i weight 140. oh god. now i'm at 138. I need to run or excercise or something. My brother wants to kill himself.

Life just fucking sucks right now.

~Stay strong, think thin

Sorry about the lang.... I just need to vent.

My nephew had his birthday party today. That meant tons of barbeque, potato wedges & fruit pizza (one of my absolute favorite sweets).

Well I had cherry tomatoes wrapped with pickle slices (it's good) & that was it.

Tips for how to get through parties like that;

-totally ignore the food, don't give it more than a glance
-& DEFINITELY don't even think about how it tastes, don't let it cross your mind for a second. This I think is the most important skill needed to stay strong.
-immerse yourself in a conversation that you're actually enjoying while everyone eats
-eat something safe before you go so you don't start making "but I'm hungry" excuses.

OMG cherry antacids taste soooooo good!! i'v decided to live on cherry antacids, cigarettes and water from now on =D

ok so it's 2.40pm here and it's so sunny, such a great day. but i have exams in about 8 days so i am locked up at home trying to study

i guess it's not going so great cos im a huge procrastinator. so far i ate 200g of tabouli(about 180cal), and a multigrain bread roll(about 200cal) and i couldnt physically purge :/ whatever, i guess 380cal for the day aint too bad.

then i had a sudden epiphany!! cherry antacids and water!! WOOOHOOOO!! oh and cigarettes

the fam's outa the house, at my cousin's for a plate or 2, of fat they call lunch. used the 'study' excuse and got outa it.

does anybody know if too many antacids are bad for you? i mean, seizure or heart-attack bad, not head-rush bad.

xox

i had a GREAT day today! but i can still do BETTER!
I consumed 300 calories (:
that was my goal!
read my journal it explains it all, don't be afraid to add me, i love friends, the more friends, the more motivation!
(:
Okay well i was just thinking this and i thought i would share it.

BREAKFAST- think DON'T BREAK your FAST.

Lunch- DON'T munch!

Dinner- think THINNER.

(: i thought it was cute and funny, it's like a hidden motivation!
I swear whoever made up the names breakfast, lunch, and dinner must of me ana.

did really good today! only 720 calories and i even went out to eat! OMG! So yea :D

I was standing up all day too!

Last night i was doing some research and found out i've been having tiny partial seizures cause i get little twitches and i blank out alot. well its seizures and so i told my mom and now she wants me to get my head checked out. Well i've had them since i was 11 when i used to actually pass out and fall out of my chair. well... if you weren;t too concerned then why be conserned now? I mean she used to think it was a joke i played i guess...

anyways thats whats new with me. I guess it doest hurt to go ask my doctor if it could be harmful in the long un but i dont think its worth a trip.

thats just me though...

158!

I love that "Hey, Soul Sister" song. It makes me so happy.

I've been putting out a crapload of these bracelets, and if you want one -- for free -- just post in here telling me which one you want. First come, first serve.

( Read more... )

Today me , my hubby and my puppy Jessie went to the beach. I live about 30 min from it but we dont go as much as we should. I love it. Its so peaceful and the weather was perfect! I collect seashells so I found alot of really pretty ones. My puppy loved it! He swam and ran around. We all had a great time. So much better than sitting around the house worrying and stressing about food. Ugh!! Today just showed me that there is so much more to life. I hate this disorder and how it consumes me. I need breaks like today.
In other news, the other day I bought a pedometer and have been wearing it constantly until I go to sleep. I walked 10,000 steps today and burned about 1000 cals just by walking. I love this thing because it makes me walk alot more cause I like to see it change haha.
Hope everybody else is doing great! xoxoxo